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when i have too much time to think. i write. and write. and write. aimlessly or with a direct goal, eh, who knows? *shrug*
i accidently deleted my private site with my essays and other assorted drivel on it. i was in the process of deleting a different blog i had started, which was to be a sort of diary to a friend of mine but which turned into a whole load of pendantic crap. so in my haste i deleted with abandon. with wild. destructive. abandon.
i did not keep hard copies of most of the stuff, so this has not been my best week if you can imagine.
my focus now is on whether to restart and post what i do happen to have on hand or just give up and combine those writings with these posts.
on another note i have been trying to figure out the whole relationship thing. while i know i should be enjoying this time to myself, i cannot help but wonder what the future has in store. it is a fault of mine, unfortunately.
i used to be very easygoing and "eh, whatever" but with age comes reality and the knowledge that to move forward you need to actually look forward.
the whole thing is that goals have to exist in the first place, otherwise you are wandering around without a roadmap in the middle of the sahara with no hope of running into a nomad (statistically speaking, of course).
when i married, i thought that i had joined with someone and that our different goals would combine into something we could both work with. i tried to support him with his ambitions and i suppose he tried to support me with mine. when it came down to it, his interests were more important than anything else and what i thought was a partnership became two solo expeditions.
so, knowing this reality. . .how does one let oneself get involved again? after giving so much of yourself without getting that return, how do you move on with someone else and keep yourself intact? how much is too much or too little?
these days i feel so reserved and without the ability to express how i feel, something with which i have never had a problem before.
before i would say whatever, whenever. i still do that occasionally, usually after a few tongue-loosening drinks. my usual action/reaction now is that i find myself weighing each word. wondering what the effect will be if i utter this or that. so i find myself saying little or sounding stilted and wooden when i have passionate utterances just waiting to fly about.
well, here is to confusion and chaos.
to catholic weddings and country club receptions (yes stephanie, complete antithesis of my wedding, you are correct).
to love and hate.
to enya and metallica.
to you.
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 12:26 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
miss kaya's second winter. she is on the track of bigfoot aka: my roomie
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 09:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
a very very very bad day.
first, dodging punches at work. actual punches. i would normally be able to deal with this, but my tummy is a bit sore and i am not supposed to do anything "strenuous" for at least one more day.
then, having to listen to boring, cranky old marketing professor (who now avoids making eye contact with me, double bonus!).
coming home to survey the destruction wrought by a cranky roomie.
cleaning.
pmsing.
bah.
the only thing that has made this day better is the fact that in about five minutes i am going to get online with a good friend (who is patiently waiting for me to finish this post) and chat for a while.
the one other thing that has made my day? a weird, six-degrees-of-separation-ish thing going on in my life.
i blog and i look at other people's blogs which in turn lead me to more and more and more blogs. i was perusing steime's latest entry and decided to visit the blog link that happened to be right under mine titled My Name is Meredith. i was completely caught up in it after only a few minutes. it is more of a photoblog, but she puts in quite a narrative.
the whole six degrees comes in at the point when i notice that she happens to be friends with ultragrrrl. my spin magazine obsession not being well known, you may not realize how neato i think this is. ultragrrrl did a drive-by column in spin which i absolutely adored. she has since retired the column (which made me sad). to see her in this new blog i found and was already jazzed about made my night/day/weekend just fantastic.
in honor of the six degrees kitsch and all that is eerie in this new adventure called the blogsphere, i am creating a new section entitled "stagger's pick of the week". for the first week it will go to honor steimes, meredith and ultragrrl and the craziness which we can find around every corner...if we only look hard enough.
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 02:44 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
because when i do go to bed, say around 10pm (nice and early and sane), i end up waking around 4am.
i blearily fumbled for the lamp in the dark morning chill and squinted at my clock, thinking it must be at least 6 or 7 am. realizing it was the time that i usually go to bed and here i was just waking up, i looked around to see if kaya had maybe woken me up so she could go do puppy things outside. i lifted the covers and she "pffted" at me, telling me in her dog-zen way to "put down the friggin covers, it is cold out there" and letting me know that she was in no way, shape or form wanting to go into the frigid outdoors at this point.
so, the pup had not woken me, the clock is slowly ticking past 4am into the next dreary morning hour and i am laying there awake and none too happy about it. it is times like these when you really miss having someone sleeping next to you in bed, if only because a) it gives you a terribly good excuse to snuggle close sharing in their warmth b) on the other hand, you can wake them up because as we all know misery loves company.
sadly, my current state of sharing a bed only with a tribble's mountain of pillows and a puppy who would rather sleep than talk about the current book i am reading (zelda: a biography, by nancy milford, which may explain the sudden plethora of fitzgerald quotes on my site recently) leave me bereft of either option a or b.
again, clock is ticking. you would think that at this point i would have gotten out of bed to do something. anything. but no, i continue to lay there with a confused expression on my face and my mind slowly exploring different avenues, trying to decide which idea to go with and expound on until it is a completely paranoid and inflated version of a perfectly reasonable original thought.
ah, but that will just not do. first of all, because thinking makes my head hurt and i have done quite well without in-depth thought for a while now (and i use much less advil these days). second of all, because my bladder has finally issued a cry for help which cannot be ignored. i finally get up, find my robe and fuzzy slippers, don my glasses and stumble my way to the bathroom, with a quick sidetrip to turn on the computer, because out of anything in my life, the computer is one i can count on to be there at 4:30am, awake, unblinking and always willing to listen.
the unblinking thing kind of weirds me out.
last night i took jamme out to gaucho's, a local argentinian restaurant, for his birthday. i think i may have eaten enough protein to last me for the next five years. also, i believe that i am ready to try being a vegetarian. at least for a short while. test out the waters, so to speak. yes we drank chianti and yes we issued the requisite hannibal lecter joke.
we were intending to go see gemineye after, as he was performing on campus, but we found out that he was in the hospital and would be rescheduling his performance. bummer.
dropped jamme back at his place and headed back home to the roomie and the pups. since we had eaten dinner early in order to make the performance i was home around 8:30. a shower and a brief interlude with the computer later, i was curled up in bed and asleep soon after.
ah, friday is a good day, at least for the next few weeks. my microeconomics class is cancelled until 2.16.05 which means i only have one, count it, one class on friday and it does not begin until noon! whee!
i am currently redoing my calendar in mscalendar. i hate the program but it does the job.
mart is coming down to repipe the bathtub this weekend. actually, he is going to go see his (our?) friend roger tonight, repipe the bathtub (maybe) tomorrow and then he has a show in louisburg tomorrow night. they are testing him out for their jubilee/opry/whatever. i am sure he will get the gig permanently, which is cool because it is closer to kcmo than ft scott and he will be able to just perform and then go home instead of crashing somewhere overnight and then having to drive the next morning.
i think he is actually coming down to make sure i am okay, because he did not have plans to until i finally told him about my dr appt. i was kind of looking forward to a quiet weekend alone since other plans i had just were not going to work out, unfortunately. but, the roomie will be gone most of the weekend and mart will just pop in and out, so i will more than likely have the nice, calm weekend i am hoping for.
taxes suck. thank you dad for taking them off my hands yet again!
also, i will be redoing my links list soon, so if anyone has an interesting site they would like me to add, please send it to me or post it in comments and i will check it out! thanks *grin*
random word of the day:
ab·at·toir
n. a place where animals are slaughtered for their meat and by-products.
(how appropriate is this word?! completely random, i swear!)
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 10:18 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
you just really need a cigarette.
the energy it would take to get dressed, hobble into town, buy a pack of smokes and drag it through my healing lungs is almost worth it. but then a warm bath calls to me, with a cup of tea and a vanilla scent.
i think i will go with the bath.
did i tell you our water main broke two days ago? yeah. first the pipe underneath the tub, then the hot water heater, then the main. someone really does not want me taking long baths. it is fixed now, thanks to the good people here in my small town. you probably do not care, but it is very important to my well-being.
i love m. but he must die. i have gone through this past year trying to make everything work out so that we are both okay. now, he is thinking of taking off to work with one of his friends building walmart stores in the north. he wants me to take the dogs, possibly.
he is still "thinking about it". i have to have plans and goals and something to work for, he is such a spontaneous "i will go and do this now, damn the consequences" kind of person and you wonder why we are not together anymore?!.
i am sick of being the one who wants to plan things together, just to have the other person follow a stray neutron and want to suddenly go parasailing in the middle of winter. in ohio.
or, on the other hand, make no plans at all, ever. i have always been one to need a focus and i do not tend to do well without one. without a plan or goal i just seem to follow whatever random neuron happens across my path and things go to shit.
i am seriously trying to move on with my life and have been doing a somewhat brilliant job of that. do not do this to me. not when my love, spiritual, school, home and work lives are so very tediously, delicately balanced at this point.
please do not do this to me now. do not add more to my already large pile of crap to deal with.
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Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous. --Carrie, Sex in the City .
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let me have my bit of tv degeneracy. yes, that is a real word. no, i do not care if you do not believe me.
and you, yes you...do you love the me i love? i would like the answer in essay form, one page, double-spaced, footnotes optional.
*grin*
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i would not start thinking about valentine's day except for the fact that every store in the entire united states is festooned with ribbons and candy and bears and red and pink and sugar and lingerie.
this is what i say to you: bah.
it may not be original, but i refuse to celebrate love on one day. i refuse to cram all the feelings and special moments into a 12-24 hour period that may or may not go well, depending on a myriad of influences including, but not limited to: the weather, the other person's feelings, you or the other person being sick and not able to fulfill your "v-day duties", you or the other person being taken over by aliens and made to re-enact scenes from captain kangaroo (do. not. ask.).
love should be celebrated every day. you should let the person you love know that you are thinking of them. kiss them, write them, hold them, call them, caress them, friggin email them if you feel like it. make every day special if you can. if you cannot, if you find yourself not wanting to make the effort to do these things, re-evaluate it. just because you care does not mean you are soulmates or whatever the current cute word is these days. admit that things are "eh?!" and leave friends, not enemies.
but, if the passion is there, then do not let it be contained to one day! let it pour out of you! do not be afraid to let someone know you love them, even if they may not love you back. even if they laugh in your face. tell them and tell the world of your feelings.
as for "valentine's day" i have my own special ritual i will be starting this year. take the worst of the worst and the most sickly sweet. combine them and at some point all the karma has to balance out, right? yes, that is right: fatal attraction and love story. michael douglas or ryan o'neal? ah, decisions, decisions.
i fall short of calling this an anti-valentine's day protest, but you are welcome to join me if you agree with my view.
if you are a newlywed or in love for the first time, you will not agree with this. i do not take offense. come back and visit me in a couple of years. i will not laugh at you or say i told you so. promise.
*grin*
very specific quote of the day:
We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.--anais nin
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
about a pap smear again. it is a walk in the park, comparatively speaking.
also, i am never ever ever ever ever ever having children and anyone who has had a natural childbirth (of which this procedure gave me a small, horrifying glimpse) is friggin' nutso (professional diagnosis).
this is how i feel and i hate it:
explodingdog.com
i and my abused body are going to go curl up with the heating pad, a novel and a cup of tea.
evidence that i am a totally self-absorbed wench: i forgot both jamme's and my dad's birthdays yesterday. after being reminded about them. also having them written in my diary. i should have been drowned at birth. sorry guys, you know i love you both and wish you belated happy birthdays!
random word of the day:
inamorato
A man with whom one is in love or has an intimate relationship.
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 04:36 PM | Comments (1)
A patch for the comments has been released and now has been installed. I am sorry for the wait of one day!! Comments posting has been restored and new measure other than the patch have also been put in place. One new option installed now is that after a post has been out for 3 days the comments get closed and no one can post anymore on that entry. Other things have been implemted and I hope we have lees spam comments.
Thanks,
HunterL (Webmaster)
http://www.hcl1.com
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 11:29 PM | Comments (1)
a bit queasy about tomorrow. i know i am whining but i happen to be a bit scared about this biopsy thing. is this normal? bah to my silly self.
it just happens to be a bit difficult when you do not know who to talk to, especially when the person you used to turn to for support is not the person you can or want to turn to anymore.
the person you do want to turn to you do not yet feel comfortable enough to even try to speak with even if you desperately want to. then your head explodes and the problem is solved.
you do not want to bore people or creep people out, so you just kind of keep it all inside and get a little more freaked out each passing day. so here i am, talking with you, dear reader.
with this bit of whining out of the way i will leave you with a picture of punkin and i. and the thought that maybe, just maybe, there is alien life.
random word of the day:
moira
(Greek Myth) The deity who assigns to every man his lot.
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 02:15 PM
to let you know that comments have been shut down right now due to a ghost in the proverbial machine. until such a time when we can get them back up and running, feel free to email me at tofallfromgrace@yahoo.com.
apparently there is a vulnerability in the system which spammers are taking advantage of and this is affecting several websites. stay tuned for more drama on the "old and the spammed". ew. that just does not sound right. blech.
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 08:10 PM
but it is a good tired, you know?
headed to kcmo yesterday noon and got back here a few minutes ago. am looking forward to a hot bath, a cup of tea and a few chapters of some nonsense book to set my mind calm.
had a late, leisurely lunch at the westport jazz . a bottle of wine, jambalaya, ribeye, chicory coffee, beignets and three hours of conversation later and i was feeling very content.
i took a quick nap then headed off to christie's house to hang with her, jason, joe, mike and the kids.
played darts and did not do half bad. of course, standing in a hallway with kids running through at odd moments makes you concentrate just a little harder on your aim. just what would have made the night perfect is one of the little tribbles getting an eye poked out. wonder how many points that would count for in cricket? just kidding!?
a glass of champagne, playing hide the stuffed animals with the girls, listening to b.'s new poem (he is already an artist and has now started writing! he is an awesome kid!), listening to all the gossip i had missed out on. it was a very relaxing time.
christie cooked (she is an awesome cook and i love going over there because she always has something good simmering) and we chatted until late late late.
i crashed, slept in and besides having a slightly creaky back this morning was in a fantastic mood, especially when the coffee cup was placed in my hand and i was able to function halfway normally.
went to great india for an early lunch then headed over to david's bridal to get fitted for the dress. yay! i am getting so excited to see stephanie again!
after a quiet afternoon going over the sunday paper and watching the start of the eagles/falcons game we headed over to minskys to watch the end of the game and the start of the next one. best pizza ever and bonus i have leftovers in the fridge now.
so i was able to hit three of my favorite restaurants (all in westport of course. . .) see some of my closest friends, get the dress taken care of and enjoy some time to myself all in less than 48 hours. i also picked up a new pitch weekly and that always makes me happy.
so, back to the grind tomorrow. yay. i am very excited at the number and complexity of the projects i get to work on this semester, just have not quite gotten to the complete concentration stage that i really need to be by this point.
my biopsy was supposed to be tomorrow but they rescheduled it for wednesday, which still works because i still am out of my long day of classes legitimately! muah ha ha ha.
eating out with friends: $45
catching up on the sunday color comics: $1.50
getting to say "vaginal biopsy" to your cranky old marketing professor, watching him turn bright red and start stuttering: priceless
random word of the day:
Tum-tum
n. A dish made in the West Indies by beating boiled plantain quite soft in a wooden morta
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 09:31 PM | Comments (0)
from reality this weekend.
am checking out of my normal life and running off to kansas city for a number of reasons:
first, want/need to get the hell out of here.
second, have papers mart needs to sign.
thirdly, am desperate for indian food so we are going to great india.
fourth, bridesmaid dress.
fifth, to visit friends and discuss more wedding items. christie and jason just got engaged, so it looks like i get to be a bridesmaid again. she promised that the dresses would not be grape/lilac/violet or any other shade of purple, yay! *grin*
so, nick is babysitting miss kaya, the roommate has staff and i am going to run amuck in kansas city. yay!
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 12:17 AM | Comments (1)
before heading off for class.
first of all, thank you all very much for joining me here. i am about to reach 5000 hits and even though 4900 of them were me checking out my own site, i really appreciate the other 100 of you that have stopped by to laugh with me.
**********
second, the inaguration. yes, hell has frozen over and the end of the world is near. do not forget to show your ticket stub to the girl at the counter for a free drink. you are going to need it.
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third, i went to the dentist yesterday and i have freshly cleaned teeth. they are healthy and cavity-free. this makes me happy and proud as i am extremely careful with them (i have a special jar by the side of the bed for them and everything). i really thought you might want to know this. *BIG GRIN*
*********
fourth, now that i am not going outside to smoke in between classes or any other time i am outside on campus, i have a lot more time to tidy up my diary and do lots of other random, mostly useless fidgeting with my books, etc.
there is one big plus to not smoking. in the morning, driving in to school, i no longer do the driving/coffee mug/light my cigarette shuffle.
this allows me to have better concentration which leads to me coming up with new and improved curses for the guy on the tractor doing 10 mph down the middle of the friggin' highway.
**********
finally, the doctor has decided that they need to take a biopsy of a small cyst which should have gone away on its own a couple of years ago. this does not make me happy. not even a little. i will not even go into the details here, but it sounds yucky and painful so curses to my shady body and its silliness. pfft.
**********
in conclusion, we have learned that if the current "president" (i will not say his name, ugh) were to drive a tractor going 10 miles an hour down the middle of the road while i was having a nicotine fit just after coming out of a biopsy and having earlier found out that i had a cavity. . .well, nothing could save him then, eh?
that makes me giggle, i am so going to be kicked out of the united states. do you think canada would let me in?
random word of the day:
sine die
adv. Without a future time or date being specified : indefinitely
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 08:50 AM | Comments (2)
i have to get off my mind and my notebook (randomness ahead!):
my consumer behavior prof sounds like ed mcmahon and TALKS THIS LOUD. i usually sit towards the front of classes, but made a note to myself to sit towards the back in his class. he is also old, cranky and bitter.
*
i am giving everyone the rule that they cannot call after 10 pm unless it is an emergency.
*
the great thing about retin-a? the fact that your bad skin gets worse before it gets better. i have looked like blah for about a week now, it is just starting to heal. this is what i have to go through to look normal?
*
i am waiting until june/july to get a new phone as i do not know where i will be living and what company i will be with until then. have had a sweet offer to move in with one of my closest friends when i graduate. the old crew together? is that safe?
*
is it sad that i am already dreading npr pledge week? i ended up donating my usual pledge and my tattoo savings to the red cross after the tsunami disaster, and i recommend you do the same, even if it means you have to put up with an extra day of pledge-drive from the npr station in your area. hey, if i can give up my pledge and a tattoo, you can give up a double-mocha-latte or lap dance, okay?
*
had not really paid close attention to my schedule, but two times a week i get to spend 6 hours in a row in the same room. first economics, then marketing, then marketing again. i am thinking about bringing in disco dancers to help me stay awake.
*
you know you have not worn a particular watch for a very long time when it is still an hour ahead.
*
bought a 512mb flashdrive today. ack. got it for a good price, but still, hated to have to do it. pfft.
*
still have to buy my bridesmaid dress. dreading that. love you steph, but still dreading it. *grin* you are going to be a beautiful bride, missy. cannot wait to go and meet your doctor!
*
yeah. that is it.
*
random word of the day:
mellophone
n. a valved brass band instrument similar to the French horn.
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 06:16 PM | Comments (0)
from this weekend's saturday night live (paraphrased as i cannot remember exactly how it went):
tina fey (pointing toward magazine cover of jennifer aniston and brad pitt):
"if these two are sick of having sex with each other what hope does that give the rest of us?"
knocked my sick, feverish self right off the bed because i was laughing so hard.
see what happens when i share?
**********
top five worst programs currently on tv:
1. super nanny
2. cheaters
3. elimidate
4. room raiders
5. america's top model
notice i did not put links to any of them? that is because i have wasted enough of my time even putting them on a list much less searching for their sad little sites.
***********
top five things acquaintances should not say to me when they find out that i am separated (sadly, all true stories):
1. "what did you do wrong?" (it involved a monkey, satanic rituals and hitler...do you really want to know more?)
2. "i am so glad i am not in your shoes." (no shit, it would be rather crowded, dumbass)
3. "who gets the kids?" (no they were not talking about the dogs. they meant actual little tribbles running amuck! umm, i do not have any. i have gone to school with you for two years and i have never had any, captain observant)
4. "yeah, i noticed you were not looking too well last semster, maybe you will lose some weight now? i heard that happens when people are single." (number one: wtf? number two: wtf? number three: you weigh three times as much as i do and i know for a fact that you do not have a boyfriend, where the hell do you get off?)
5. "i should set you up with *fill in the blank with brother, uncle, roommate, serial killer, inmate, etc*. . . "(no, really, you should not)
**********
bitter much? just today. and possibly tomorrow. i will let you know.
**********
random word of the day:
half-wit
n. A foolish or stupid person.
(this was random, but appropriate, eh?)
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 03:19 PM | Comments (0)
well, not that blank, i suppose.
still feeling puny, but cannot stay in bed forever, as much as i would sometimes like.
i hate pipe organ music, but today on npr i listened to a piece done on a pipe organ at the mexico city cathedral (it was originally constructed in spain, apparently) and it sounded more like a harpischord. here a link to the pipedreams site in case you are interested (program #0502).
i have been working on my senior project proposal. very excited about the prospect of having another project to put in my portfolio. will let you more about it later, when i have it fine-tuned. if that ever happens. . .
had another day roommate-free. it was a little bit of heaven. at least, i think it was, i dozed part of the day and was working on homework for the other part, so i really did not notice it too much. maybe that is the point?
was invited to go bowling but decided it would not be the best thing to go out and infect my friends with cold germs, not if i wanted to keep them as friends, that is (plus, i truly do suck at bowling).
just realized i still have thank you cards to write for christmas gifts. i am a very lazy and inconsiderate person. that is top of my priority list for tomorrow. well, in the top three.
listen to this just for fun.
song that most needs to be buried and never heard again: You're the Inspiration by Chicago.
one of the best things about watching amelie: Dominique Pinon, an actor in one of my favorite movies The City of Lost Children.
best thing about living "alone": not having to get dressed (or even shower, if you do not want!) and running about in your pyjamas all day long.
worst thing about living "alone": not having someone there to cry to and keep you warm when you are having your seventh cold chill of the day and not even a volcano can keep your bones from turning to ice.
random word of the day:
denouement
n. The outcome of the plot of a literary work, as a play or novel.
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 11:17 PM
i am sick. sore throat, fever, hot and cold chills, fatigue.
i want my mommy.
took a nap, ate soup. am going to watch blue collar tv while curled up in twenty blankets with my heating pad.
puny.
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 08:32 PM
i just happen to have a lot of ideas which float around undisciplined, unsupervised in my mind and create giant paranoid muddles which i end up having to wade through.
you try and keep the delicate balance between what you want to know and what you need to know (for peace of mind). you try not to do or say anything which might make someone suddenly dislike you or look at you in a negative way. you struggle to hold back each idea, each question, each fear and not let on to the person that these wicked demons are gnawing at your self-control.
one day, the time-bomb goes off and all these dark and destructive thoughts come out in a flood directly aimed at the person you had tried to keep it all from. the flood keeps coming and coming until every last random thought you had ever had, every last feeling you had ever felt has been dumped on this person. leaving them blinking confusedly and stepping away slowly.
this is why i have always hated being alone. if you fill your days with friends and family and school and work and insipid crafts and cleaning, it does not leave you time to create wild and improbable realities within your own head. these next five months or so are going to be very difficult because it will be the first time i am left to my own devices almost every day and night. being alone with my thoughts scares me. hopefully i can get things wired correctly within my reality.
yes. i think it is time to go back on the meds. the voices in my head tell me so.
random word of the day:
europium
n. Symbol Eu A soft, silvery-white rare-earth element used in nuclear research
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 05:00 PM
so the new staff is working out well. he is in fact reading with my roomie as i am typing this. a blessed moment of peace.
actually cooked tonight! chicken with jasmine rice and a sauce of tomatoes, garlic and onions (with seasonings of course), asparagus (fresh!) and baby peas.
so proud of myself. should have taken a picture for proof.
it was good.
no food poisoning yet.
yay!
first day of school went well. found out that we get to do independent senior projects based on our preferences instead of the dorky git (graphics & imaging technologies) magazine they have made seniors do every semester. i am very excited about the whole thought of it. cannot wait to start getting my ideas down on paper.
so just had a long pause in writing while arguing with the new staff about religion and politics. we have VERY different views. he is from nigeria which gives him an extremely different point of view on things. not sure how this is going to end up. . .either i will kill him or he will attempt to kill me. nice to have an interesting discussion, though.
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 09:56 PM
going to dinner at church (do not ask). i got the feeling that they were sizing me up as an addition to their congregation.
especially after the minister said "you would be a welcome addition to our congregation. you might even draw in some of the younger generation because you are an attractive young woman."
*shudder*
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did not get to watch amelie last night as my dvd player decided to go on holiday (without notice, how rude!) right after i finished watching the terminal.
i did something drastic, i kept the movie to watch tonight which involved getting a late fee! you have to understand what a skinflint i am these days, so that was a big deal to me.
the dvd is apparently back, as i used it earlier today. have no idea what was wrong with it, other than it just kept going in between the movie and the cable last night and would not stop even when i yelled at it.
i shall watch this movie, even if the effort drives me insane. i know, i know. . . short trip.
"Though this be madness, yet there is method in't." --William Shakespeare
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school starts tomorrow. at least i did not start out on an 8am day. 10-5pm on campus. yay. my trusty bag is packed in readiness for the last semester it will be forced to haul textbooks and random items. then out to pasture i shall throw it, with thanks for being there through all the tough times.
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unfortunately my day will not end until late as i have to start training new staff to work with my roommate. should be interesting.
he is 29 and apparently has a lot of experience in working with developmentally disabled people, so i am hoping it works out.
he has a master's in accounting and is working on his c.p.a. i am told, so i might be able to get some tutoring out of the deal if i need.
yeah, always out for number one, that is me, but you have to understand the passion with which i am dreading this microeconomics course. *sigh*
enough boo-hooing about classes.
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i have gone through and weeded out the links list: took out some that do not really apply to my life anymore or have not updated recently, also adding a couple of interesting ones.
if anyone comes across interesting links, please forward them on to me. sometimes i just do not have the time to go out and find suitable sites to add and would love your input.
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mystic, thank you for the -flowers-, they brightened my day. colin, where have you been, did nessie have you for supper? brandy, where have YOU been, did the floods wash you away?
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if you are bored, go listen to Ghetto by Akon at launch.com
time to put on the boxing gloves, i will watch this movie tonight!
random word of the day:
proleptic
of, pertaining to, or characterized by prolepsis
or anticipation; anticipative, anticipatory
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 08:00 PM | Comments (1)
recent picture of baby La-La, the most beautiful baby in the world:
Pictures of La-La and B-Rod:
i love being an aunt and cannot wait to see them again this summer!
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 04:58 PM
can drive you crazy, even when they are doing something that they think is in your best interest.
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i refuse to play in reality tonight. i just finished watching the terminal and am about to watch amelie.
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i have been extremely obsessed tonight and have gone through and cleaned out every single file i own (actual real files, not computer--that would take forever). i remade each one, alphabetized, pared down the contents and then (in some cases) ordered everything by date.
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a big thanks goes out to the semi-truck that decided that the fog did not mean that he should, um, stop or even slow down at the red light and who almost made me and my car a small, squishy little speck on the asphalt.
the good thing to come out of this is that i know my brakes work, as well as my middle finger, not that he saw as the fog is like soup. for goodness sake people, slow down. the place you need to be will still be there even if you are a few minutes late. believe me, i am the queen of late and the places i go are always still there.
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 10:37 PM
oh wait, i did.
so, was not really enthused about the mousy brown color of my hair. went in with austin and dealt with it at kalidaskope, the neatest little salon and spa in this area (and yes, that is how brandy, the owner, spells the salon name). i feel much more myself now, and just in time for school, as well!
picked up yet another script from the drugstore, ack. not only do i hate taking medicine, but i hate having to pay for it. pfft. this will be worth it one day, i hope. it is for my skin, horribly enough.
i am sick of having the splotchy skin of a horomonal 16-year-old and decided that since i have to enter the adult world in only six months that i had better do something about it. enter in retin-a micro and assorted other drugs. yay.
i never did get to watch the movies last night, so i am off to do that, talk with my sister-in-law and various other people on the phone. will think about reading my textbook for microeconomics, then decide that i have better things to do and leave it laying where i threw it (at the wall) some days ago.
tonight: blue bunny chocolate ice cream. yummy.
random word of the day:
vigorish
1. [n] a percentage (of winnings or loot or profit) taken by an operator or
gangster
2. [n] an exorbitant or unlawful rate of interest
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 06:28 PM | Comments (2)
finally got a shower this morning, and believe me it was the single best shower of my life. mart had a lot of problems with connectors choosing to crack and break and generally be very ill-tempered, so the water heater was not "fully operational" until late last night. at that point i was too exhausted to wait for the water to warm up, so crawled into bed a very dirty girl, and not in a good way *wink*.
so the whole water heater eating up what meager savings i had managed to put away pretty much killed my weekend plans to go out with the crew and have a last hurrah prior to the beginning of my last semester. bah.
the great thing was that since i could not go out, they all brought the party to me. it ended up being a very late and very interesting saturday night. all four dogs were home (as mart had to come down to replace the water heater) and april brought ivy (tiniest dog in the world). it was a mess of tipsy people attempting not to squish dogs and not having it go so well.
i awoke sunday morning to the biggest mess my house has ever been in. besides the wet towels that were strewn all over the hallway and bathroom, the drywall being in bits and pieces on top of all that, a giant water heater (which is still there) sitting out in the hallway...
yes, besides all that there were two blenders strung out on the counters, what seemed like billions of empty bottles of mixers and liquor, ice bags in the sink, pizza boxes, the buildup of two days of dishes, the added bonus of every single glass i own being dirty and something sticky on the floor. oh, and laundry. pfft.
i glared at the kitchen and willed it to clean itself then crawled back into bed. when i woke up a couple of hours later it had not bent to my will, so i slowly began to pick up the pieces and start the long cleaning process. today the house looks a lot more normal, if not quite back to its former state.
sunday included an "interaction" with my roommate and the blooming of many bruises. 'nuff said.
so my last hurrah was one hell of a yell.
today i have continued the process of piecing my life back together after this weekend's shattering experiences. was able to sleep in a little, then ran from one doctor's appointment to another and another and another. partially for my roommate and partially for me.
finally have the pantry somewhat stocked. hate having an empty fridge. picked up some meds for myself. yay. life is so routine, eh?
right when i think i am so damn organized that nothing could possibly go wrong, i find out that i am wrong. i thought school started on wednesday. i called kellie to make sure because when i was on campus today there seemed to be a lot of people and it seemed odd.
so i call her and ask if school started today, with the thought that there was no way it had started but better to be safe than sorry, and she said yes. after about 5 seconds of me sputtering she said no. she actually cracked a joke (not a funny one, mind you, but a joke nonetheless). *grin*
so then i find out that i was wrong, but in a different way. school does not start until thursday. i am superwoman with attention deficit disorder.
so an extra day. yay! time for spring cleaning! yay.
bah.
i have three movies to watch before they are due on wednesday. anyone want to stop in and watch with me? i plan on working on the scarves i have not finished and watching the movies while curled up in a warm bed with the warmest puppy in the world.
finally picked up new contacts today. will get my new glasses sometime next week. since we have to head to joplin again for the glasses we are going to make a date of it and head to a new piano/martini bar they opened there. it looks very inviting and it would be nice to try out a new spot, even if it is a bit of a drive. good thing is that my eyesight has not changed in the past few years, so i guess i am not aging that badly.
i am off to take the longest bath ever and read through about four photography magazines i have saved up over the past months.
i never said my life was exciting. go check out My Chemical Romance's song I'm Not Okay (I Promise) on launch.com. it will give you something to do. i will post more music one day. maybe.
oh, and check my sister-in-law's site Where the Sidewalk Ends, for a picture (from ages ago) of myself and the most beautiful baby in the world.
random word of the day:
micro-expression
n. A very short facial expression of an intense, concealed emotion
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 07:49 PM
without a water heater. two days without a shower. bah.
had a long post written up, then when i went through to edit, i realized what absolute drivel it was and deleted it.
i refuse to write anything else until i get a shower.
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 09:00 PM | Comments (1)
this is my mood, right now.
i was without internet for 27 hours. i got a lot of cleaning done. as well as a lot of crochet. i felt like an addict when my modem lit up with those beautiful green led lights.
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 04:38 PM
was perusing my photos from the past few weeks and had forgotten to post this one. kellie's 22nd birthday party (you are getting old, sweets) from a month ago almost.
this is what happens when the girls get together. . .
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 06:02 PM | Comments (2)
and now i am finally getting around to transferring my ideas into a post.
hurrah!
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so when i graduate in may i have decided to order one of sam brown's screenprints as a gift to myself for a job well done. i have enjoyed his artwork at explodingdog for the past few years and am leaning towards this one, if it is still available:
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goodbye to late nights. i think last night was the last late nght for me for a while, at least for weeknights. why you ask? 8am classes.
i think i may have mentioned this before, but it is such a dreadful prospect that you will be hearing me moan and groan about it continually.
my last 8am classes were two years ago and involved four days a week of not only having to get up early but get up early and be expected to know spanish lessons. seriously.
now, i can barely speak english that early in the morning. in fact, i have two words i can actually say without sounding as if i had just met the gibberish fairy: coffee. now. those two words are usually accompanied by me glaring with homicidal fury at whoever has dared to wake me before 9am without having coffee and a newspaper to hand to me immediately.
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i have discovered that i really enjoy the killers and urge you to run, not walk, to launch and watch the two videos they have out now. i have placed their album on my "really need to get sometime very soon" list.
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went to wal-mart to pick up a few things for my empty pantry as well as two more packages of the best pen ever created, the pilot neo-gel. i go through about eight of them a semester. partially using them for notes, but mostly for drawing my little fleur de lis-esq doodles on the margins.
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i fell asleep around 5am this morning, after doing some major cleaning of files (three filing cabinets) and other assorted junk accumulated over the years.
my next project (which will most likely make a liar of me and keep me up late tonight, yet again) is to go through the 28 photo albums and scrapbooks. yes. 28. not joking. not even a little. *sigh*
has to be done.
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miss kaya is feeling much better and is back to being her perky self. i think she is looking forward to being an only child as the hunt for tiny's new home has begun in earnest. if anyone wants a child-like, thinks-he-is-a-lapdog, 150 pound rhodesian ridgeback. . .please let me know immediately.
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have a phone interview with a design firm in portland in two weeks. the person i will be interviewing with happens to be an alumnus of my current university as well as of my degree program. it sounds as if she is very eager to get one of us on at her company. it should be interesting. i need the practice as i have not interviewed for several years, other than for school organization positions. that does not quite cut it in the real world. *grin*
i am also reviewing my sad little cv in the hopes that it will magically write itself. i can hope, can i not? i have all of my old ones on disk so will be able to cut and paste the best items into a new design. am wondering if i could put down the stagger as part of my portfolio? hmm. . .
oh, and do not even get me started on my portfolio, which has been languishing in its faux leather case for a year without me adding a single thing. i have a file of items for consideration, i just have not made that final effort to decide what to put in and how to reorganize the whole lot.
i wonder if it is too late to start the manager track at wal-mart?
hmm. . .
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my hair is in extreme bandanna/hat/whatever head covering i can find mode. i had it cut last week and it looked great, but then it had a bad weekend and is now continuing to piss me off this week. probably something to do with my superbly bad pms that i have had for the past few days.
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watched tv briefly last night, until i realized exactly what i was watching (the biggest loser, ffs) and that i had not actually been watching it rather than just dazedly staring at the screen in hopes that i would be entertained. when i snapped out of my trash television hypnosis i hurriedly turned off the tube and ran to my computer to do something constructive. which turned out to be listening to music and researching some file extensions i could not remember.
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one month until i am able to get a new phone.
does anyone have any suggestions or advice in this area? i would appreciate your input!
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other things on my mind right now:
wondering if i have enough pillows on my bed to build a fort and wondering if i should buy new ones. . .
late night phone calls. unexpected late night phone calls. . .pfft
being a (self-titled) tech nerd and downloading the new version of trillian. then not being able to figure out why my computer giggled every once in a while. yes, i figured it out. yes, i felt like a dork. yes, i like the new basic version of trillian better than the last pain-in-the-cpu version.
having to relight the pilot light on the water heater and wondering who came up with the whole "push button down, chant, pray, hope and then light" system for lighting the friggin thing. . .
counting down to school, one week from today. . .
wondering if my car door will open without me using the trusty hairdryer to defrost it. . .
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random word of the day:
distrait \dis-TRAY\, adjective:
Divided or withdrawn in attention, especially because of anxiety.
Posted by tofallfromgrace at 04:19 PM | Comments (1)
i spent new year's eve weekend in st. louis.
had no idea there was so much to see and do in st. louis! i will be adding to this post as soon as i get my thoughts, my house and my day in order.
i hope everyone had a fabulous, safe and interesting new year's eve!
oh yeah, and why you are waiting for me to type up my boring routine...go here to visit fromage de merde. you will laugh, you will cry. you may give up reading the drivel that i write in favor of this incredibly talented wordsmith.
[edit]
so here it is, january fourth. what a year it has been. *grin*
i spent my new year in st. louis, you have figured this out by now. it was amazing. some of the things (other than the ones mentioned in the photos below) i did while in the gateway city:
new year's eve at mcgurk's irish pub (exactly what i wanted to do, live music and guiness. absolutely perfect. . .somewhat)
uncle bill's pancake house for breakfast saturday morning (i do not really like pancakes but this place changed my mind. listening in to everyone's conversations was also a fun pastime. . .)
thai food saturday night (apparently voted one of the best thai restaurants in st. louis and i completely agree)
walking through tower grove park and eating at cafe madeleine for brunch on sunday
so, yes. there it is. i have so much more to say that really has to be left for a later time when i have not been on and off the phone and distracted (pleasurably) from writing this.
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"I love you." she said.
"I wish you hadn't said that." he said.
"Why?"
"Because I wanted to say it first. . ."
--Anonymous
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